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WILBUR WALKS OUT
March 31, 2017
We regret to inform our fans that beloved unofficial mascot Wilbur has ambled off the job.
"I knew he was upset about a few things," said a visibly saddened Beyond Meat CEO Ethan Brown. "Like the low supply of peanut butter in the office pantry. But I didn't think he'd up and leave."
In recent days Wilbur had grown frustrated with his limited role at the company and would gripe that his portrayal on Beyond Meat's social media failed to capture his full dramatic range.
"Wilbur was always complaining that the pics we posted on Instagram showed him as cute and cuddly," said our social media manager Emily Harlan. "Wanting more exposure, his suggestions increasingly amounted to nothing short of a one-pig reality TV show."
Adding to his frustrations, Wilbur would often compare his lifestyle to other historical spokesanimals he'd researched on-line.
"He kept bringing up [famed beer spokesdog] Spuds MacKenzie," shared Field Manager Brian Kincaid. "And how back in the day Spuds was always hanging out at pool parties and playing fetch with models and stuff. I had to remind him that Spuds was a national star, did Super Bowl ads."
Wilbur will be missed, but not by all. "I tell you, he had it easy around here" said an anonymous former colleague "Would it have hurt him to change a toner cartridge once in a while?"
"Sure," said another, "if you dropped a burrito or spilled a smoothie in the kitchen he was helpful. But if I deposited some of the things on the rug that Wilbur did, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be going around oinking for a raise."
Yesterday, Wilbur reviewed some spec materials for an upcoming Beyond Burger campaign, saw his supporting role, and waddled off into the sunset.
"I thought things were going great," lamented Ethan. "We made sure the office DJ stopped playing country at his request, and even gave him the cubicle closest to the kitchen. I would have bought more baby carrots too, I just didn't know we were out."